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2:40 a.m. - Saturday, Oct. 02, 2004
Try Saying \"Soy Toad\" Ten Times Really Fast
Do you know how disturbing it is to go outside at 2:30 in the morning and find the same goddamn garter snake trying to eat the same goddamn toad?

I shook my umbrella at the snake until he let the toad go and slithered away ... VERY slowly, to let me know he wasn't REALLY afraid of me, I guess; just decided he wasn't hungry for toads right now, after all.

Now I'm worried he'll come back and get the toad.

It's almost 3 AM, I'm tired as hell, and instead of sleeping I'm worrying about the snake/toad situation.

Why don't I just organize a round-the-clock patrol to ensure that all the toads of Lake County, Indiana, are safe from garter snakes? Of course, we will be obligated to provide the snakes with plenty of those little soy-toads you can buy in the vegetarian section of your grocer's freezer, so they don't starve.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: nature sucks, and anybody who thinks this is a beautiful world hasn't looked very closely.


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