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4:46 p.m. - Monday, Mar. 08, 2004
Can't Even Think of a Title
I'd like to repeat here a cute letter that appeared in the Chicago Tribune today. (Saves me the trouble of having to formulate my own thoughts.)

Here are reasons why same-sex marriages will ruin society:

♦ Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. That's why infertile couples and old people can't legally get married.

♦ Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parent only raise straight children.

♦ Straight marriage, such as Britney Spears' 55-hour, just-for-fun marriage, will be less meaningful.

♦ Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; for example, women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites and divorce is still illegal.

♦ Gay marriage should be decided by people not the courts, because majority-elected legislatures, and not courts, have historically done a swell job of protecting the rights of the minorities.

♦ Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

♦ Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

♦ Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets, because a dog has legal standing to sign a marriage contract.

♦ Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parent are forbidden to raise children.

♦ Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to cars or longer life spans.

♦ Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name, are preferable, because separate-but-equal institutions are constitutional.

Jackie Bruns

Clarendon Hills


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