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3:06 p.m. - Thursday, Nov. 06, 2003
Televisual Ranting
**God, please let it be over. If I have to hear any more about Elizabeth Smart, I'm going to start killing people. This is the sort of feel-good story that just makes me want to throw things at the television.**

**And another thing! I'm glad Dr. Phil is helping out this f*cked-up family, that's very nice of him, but when he concludes the episode following the baby's birth with a soft-focus montage (backed, of course, by tender music) of all these touching moments dealing with Alex and the baby, I'm wondering what the FUCK he's trying to accomplish? -- Hey, all you dumb-ass 15-year-old girls out there: get yourselves knocked up, refuse to give the child to a stable home, and you, too, can get a nationally televised love letter from Dr. Phil!**

Speaking of the yearning after ugliness (as I was yesterday), something compelled me to tune in the Very Special one-hour episode of "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter," which is especially odd given that I'd never seen any non-special episode thereof, the previews having sufficed to convince me that it was recycled crap. So why did I tune in on Tuesday? The desire to see a train wreck, I guess. Morbid curiosity.

I was looking at the t.v. in the elevator (yes, we have t.v.'s in the elevators here at work, and if you don't, you will soon), and there came up a screen addressing the burning issue of which are the three worst new t.v. sitcoms of 2003. It nominated "Coupling," "Hope and Faith" and "The Mullets." I sat through a few minutes of "Coupling," but that is a program for people who laugh when someone says a word like "breast" on television, and I'm not one of them. I sat through one episode of "Hope and Faith" -- train-wreck syndrome again. No, actually I thought: gee, it's a new sitcom, it might be amusing, since God knows I have nothing else to do on a Friday night. I don't want to KNOW the people who find that show amusing. They are probably the same people who live in subdivisions like B*rrington Ridge. As for "The Mullets," I wanted to watch it, but it wasn't on when the t.v. schedule said it would be, so I can't pronounce judgment on it.

The only good new sitcom I've seen lately is that "Arrested Development" thing, and I've only seen that first episode.

And I'm not particularly difficult to please. I laugh my ass off at "America's Funniest Home Videos." -- oh, I get it, "Hope and Faith" is probably just too intellectually demanding for me.

**I love ranting about things I hate. Thank you, I feel better now.**


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