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8:38 a.m. - Wednesday, Jul. 23, 2003
I Look Like Hell, Fortunately
That mirrored elevator is useful for checking your hair and makeup, but it's also useful for taking a good look at yourself and saying, "Jesus, I look like hell!"
I have dark circles under my eyes, from being sick, I suppose. Actually I find some satisfaction in looking as bad as I feel. It's so annoying to be a rosy-cheeked picture of health when you're miserable. That's one of the problems about depression -- one of the advantages, too. Inside, you feel like the Black Death; outside, you look fine. That means that you can conceal your illness by your behavior. That also means that people are unlikely to take your pain seriously, because there's no way to make it show, except by your behavior. Because you can control your behavior, people assume you can control your pain too. Which isn't the case.
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