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9:28 p.m. - Saturday, Apr. 21, 2007
Where Have I Been? Under the Porch.
(All figures are approximate.)

Number of inches between the dusty, never-rained-upon ground and the underside of my front porch: 16.

Number of years since a human being has been under my porch: at least 17.

Number of spider egg sacs on the underside of my porch: 1,562,844.

Number of live spiders under my porch: 2 (not anymore, though).

Number of dessicated bird corpses under my porch: 1.

Number of hours I've spent under my porch in the space of two days: 6.

Number of times I've said "goddamn" or "son of a bitch" or "what the fuck is that?" during those 6 hours: undetermined.

I'm going to bed now.

 

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