8:39 p.m. - Thursday, Feb. 08, 2007
I've based my whole identity on being abnormal. And if I'm not weird, what am I? Not much of anything, really.
Only after posting did it occur to me that I might have already posted that stuff when I first joined the Queue. But I didn't trouble myself to check, and frankly, I didn't give a damn.
This interval of waiting for my unconscious to work its magic is just damned uncomfortable. Like waiting for cramps to pass off, back when I had a uterus, or waiting for a depressive episode to swing the other way. You know from past experience that eventually it will happen, but you don't know when. You don't know how long you have to be miserable. And you also suspect that this time will be different — this time won't conform to your past experience — this time your cramps, your depression, or your total lack of inspiration won't pass off. Maybe this time it's permanent.
But it's rather stupid to think that, since it certainly doesn't help matters, so I'm going to try not to.