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4:46 p.m. - Monday, Mar. 08, 2004 Here are reasons why same-sex marriages will ruin society: ♦ Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. That's why infertile couples and old people can't legally get married. ♦ Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parent only raise straight children. ♦ Straight marriage, such as Britney Spears' 55-hour, just-for-fun marriage, will be less meaningful. ♦ Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; for example, women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites and divorce is still illegal. ♦ Gay marriage should be decided by people not the courts, because majority-elected legislatures, and not courts, have historically done a swell job of protecting the rights of the minorities. ♦ Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America. ♦ Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall. ♦ Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets, because a dog has legal standing to sign a marriage contract. ♦ Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parent are forbidden to raise children. ♦ Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to cars or longer life spans. ♦ Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name, are preferable, because separate-but-equal institutions are constitutional. Jackie Bruns Clarendon Hills
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