8:21 a.m. - Tuesday, Aug. 12, 2003
My computer at home started acting out last night. Signing me off at random. Claiming to have been authorized to do so by the ... I can't even remember. It's probably the virus that McAfee keeps telling me is on my computer, which I don't know what the h*ll I'm supposed to do about. How did it get on there, anyway?
And this morning the light switch in the bathroom finally gave up the ghost. It's been temperamental for a long time. Now it's dead. That means I have to go to Home Depot and get a new switch, and while I'm at it I'll get a pretty switchplate, and then I'll take off the old plate and the old switch, and GOD KNOWS what horrors I'll find in there. When I replaced the light fixture above the sink, I got a look at the most antique wiring I've ever seen. I believe that part of the house was built around 1945, and I think it's the original wiring. I'm sure one of these days it will burn my house down in the middle of the night, and if I'm lucky I'll be killed, but more likely I'll just be horribly disfigured.
I thought I'd go to bed early last night but I ended up screwing around until 10:15. And then I read. And then I seriously tried to sleep, but my throat kept closing on me. Three times, I think. I don't think that this can actually kill me, because if it could, it would have already. I've been awakened from very deep sleep by the fact that I was suffocating. Friggin' self-preservation response. It's not death that's the problem, it's the dying. Suffocation is gives one a most disagreeable sensation.
Lastly, but not leastly, why have my surviving dogs suddenly decided to become incontinent? Could this be a result of their grief over Andy's death? I wish to God they'd find a more elegant way to express it.
I started this diary a month ago and called it "The Nervous Breakdown Chronicles" because I really thought I was losing my mind. Turns out it was only PMS. I routinely lose my mind every month owing to PMS. However, PMS is a sufficient but not necessary condition. I lose my mind for other reasons, such as lack of sleep, computers that have seizures, bathroom light switches that won't work, dogs that pee on the bed. My life is being perpetually on the brink of a nervous breakdown.